Enough is enough. My wife coughs and kicks when she sleeps. It wakes me up every night. I fired her. What else could I do?

Wives and husbands play various roles throughout a marriage. One becomes a father, the other a mother. Hopefully, both are lovers (which is what leads to the father, mother status).

Both are companions to one another, both share various complementary responsibilities, and both have obligations to the marriage, to children, to each other.

My wife was my last friend, so I regret losing her. The constant coughs and kicks which kept me awake at night are probably due to her diet. She eats more of what she likes, and less of what is good for me and my sleep habits.

So, I fired her. She remains my wife and companion, but I removed her from friend status. It wasn't an easy decision but she isn't easy to sleep with. The lack of sleep on my part (due to the above mentioned physical manifestations) caused me to reach such a drastic decision.

She will be eligible for a status review in 90 days.

In the interim, not much has changed, but I'm somewhat less obligated to listen to every verbal rattle in her nooks and crannies. Most? Yes. All? Nah, I don't think so. That's reserved for friends.

Being a companion still carries certain responsibilities for both of us. I take out the garbage and wash the car. She cooks. She washes clothes. I dry and fold. Nothing has changed with most of the day to day minutiae of married life.

Last friend? Yes. I have many acquaintances, but few friends. A person that one knows but is not a close friend, vs. friend, which is a person one knows and has a bond of mutual affection.

It's difficult to have affection for a friend with a 4:00 AM cough that could break ice in the arctic wilderness.