Most of us think that a good night’s sleep makes us feel better. Thanks to an always-on ventilator that does most of my nighttime breathing for me I sleep better than expected considering there is a giant plastic and silicone insect stuck on my face.

The best I feel each day is mid-morning; a couple of hours after awakening. When?

Let’s say 9:17 am.

That’s about the time when I can sit in my chair, breathe a few minutes on my own, bask in the energy inducing effects of a can of caffeine laden juice with tea, and think to myself, “I feel good. I want to go do something.”

That feeling does not last too long. By 9:20, assuming I got up from my chair to go do something, I cannot breathe and have to head back to the ventilator.

Nice try. Better luck tomorrow.

From 9:20 am it’s downhill the rest of the day.

Sidebar on downhill:

downhill
1 : toward the bottom of a hill
2 : toward a worsened or inferior state or level

Yet going uphill means added difficulty. Think “downhill all the way” which can be good or bad, versus, “another uphill battle” which is bad.

Go figure.

Downhill lasts until about 9:17 pm. That’s the worst time of the day, give or take a few minutes or an hour. Bedtime is 10:00 pm, so my anticipation builds after 9:17 pm because I love sleep.

Sleep is when my mind turns off and I cannot feel my body; a former friend who has not been treating me well for a few years. We’re not on good terms though we talk to each other frequently.

I love sleep.

The best time of the day is about 9:17 am. The worst time of the day is about 9:17 pm. One side is a deteriorating condition that never seems to end. The other side is unconsciousness.

I think of it as practicing for death.